In Memory of My Uncle: A Personal Story of How I Struggle to Get Cremation Service in Beijing

(Jennifer’s note: This is the English translation of a Chinese article, which was once widely circulated on Chinese social media platforms and then deleted from Chinese websites.)

( 曾錚注：這是一篇曾經在社交媒體廣泛流傳，但後來被大陸網站刪除的文章。我把它全文翻譯爲英文發表如下。）

By Li Ji | Translated into English by Jennifer Zeng 文：李驥 | 英文翻譯：曾錚

On December 18, 2022, my third uncle, unfortunately, passed away, very suddenly. Because of his previous history of cancer, he died in his sleep. On the 19th, I was informed by my sister (about his death). I was surprised beyond words. I learned that he would be cremated on the 20th. I was still thinking about whether it is better to mourn him for three days before we cremated him. On the 19th, at 5:00 a.m. I rushed to Guang’anmen Hospital with sadness. What happened next will be something I will never forget.

2022年12月18號，我三叔不幸故去，十分突然，因為之前有癌症病史，睡夢間撒手塵寰，19號得到妹妹通知，驚訝不可言喻，得知20號即要火化，心中還在想是不是應該停靈三日為好，19日，懷著悲切心情於凌晨五點趕到廣安門中醫院，接下來的事估計會讓我久久難忘。

First of all, (I learned) that the cremation site would be at Miyun Funeral Home. I asked my sister why we should go to such a faraway place. My sister said: I’ve been calling all the funeral homes in Beijing since yesterday. An appointment is required at all of them. For places like Babaoshan, the earliest available time is more than a month. The shortest waiting time would be a week.

首先是火化地點在密雲殯儀館，問妹妹怎麼那麼遠，妹妹說：從昨天開始，北京市所有殯儀館電話都打過了，都需要提前預約，長的像八寶山一個月以後，短的有一周的

Yesterday when Uncle died, I had been calling 120, but no one came. The answer was no hospitals are able to store bodies, they’re all full. I was surprised and asked, then what can we do? I was told to keep it at home. This made me panic. Keep it ourselves? Put it in the refrigerator? I began to beg and promised that I am willing to pay as much as possible. I wanted to at least get the body to a morgue for storage.

昨天三叔病逝，一直打120，沒車來，答復是沒有醫院能存，都滿了，驚訝之余問，那怎麼辦？被告知人要放家裡自己保存，這一下慌了神，自己保存？放冰箱裡嗎？逐開始哀求，承諾花多少錢都行，最少也先要把人拉倒停屍房寄存。

There was an unknown female comrade, I guess she is practicing bodhisattva, she said that we should find a one-stop shop funeral service company, to see what can be done. Then I hurried to contact one, once I did, I was told that we can get the body to Guang’anmen Hospital.

有位不知名女同志，估計平常就是個修行菩薩，說要不找一條龍殯葬服務公司的人，看看有什麼辦法。隨後趕緊聯系，這期間被告知可拉到廣安門中醫院寄存，心中稍寧。

I felt a little peace of mind, and then I was told the price for the one-stop-shop service company is, 38,000 yuan ($5442), non-negotiable. Services include getting the body to the crematorium for 10,000 yuan, crematorium queue (to ensure that you can have the service) for 3,000 yuan, and 5,000 yuan for storage at the mortuary for one night. I calculated the numbers and thought that they didn’t add up. So I asked about it, but was told, up to you! Who cares (whether you hire us or not)? Now the crematoriums are completely maxed out. Some people can not even get into line and can only keep the body at home. Some have kept bodies at home for a week. When I asked what else was included, I was told that the urn was not included, nor was the cremation fee. These were not included in the 38,000. This was followed by a question: “You want to take to body away or not? “ “Yes, yes, yes, I do!” I was very grateful and felt that I was lucky.

與一條龍的溝通結果是，三萬八不還價，服務包括拉人去火葬場一萬，火葬場排隊（保證你能燒上）三千，在太平間寄存一夜五千，算算覺得對不上錢數，逐問，被告知，愛拉不拉，現在火葬場都是滿負荷狀態，有的人排不上隊只能停靈在家，有的有一周時間了。問還包括什麼，被告知，骨灰盒自買，火化錢自付，都不在三萬八之列，隨後一句：「拉不拉？」「拉拉拉」，千恩萬謝，覺得自己還算幸運。

The next day, Guang’anmen Hospital, the hearse came very early. A tall, thin man silently threw coffins into the elevator, one, two, three, four …… We were immersed in grief, and were all silent. Then the driver said, hurry up, get down and carry the bodies up.

第二日，廣安門中醫院，這靈車來的很早，一個瘦高男子默不作聲往電梯裡扔棺材，一個兩個三個四個……，我們沉浸在悲切中大家都有點默然，這時司機說趕緊下去把人拉上來。

Everyone rushed to the elevator. Suddenly the driver shouted something. Because I did not hear clearly, plus he has an accent, I asked loudly, what did you say? He didn’t say anything at first, but then he followed up with, “Hurry up, don’t dawdle!”

大家七手八腳去坐電梯，突然司機喊了一嗓子，由於我沒聽清，加上他的口音，我也大聲詢問，你說什麼？他一開始沒說話，後來跟了一句：「快點著，別磨嘰。」

I said to myself, “Why is this man so nasty? “All the families were in grief, but he was treating us like idiots. Wasn’t he afraid of being beaten?

我心說，這哥們兒怎麼這麼喪啊？家屬都在悲切中，他跟訓三孫子似的不怕挨揍嗎？

But time was tight, I didn’t have time to care too much. When we got down to the morgue, I don’t know what words to use to describe it. There were bodies all over the place, no, to put it more precisely, the ground was densely covered with bodies on top of bodies. I initially thought the deceased would be put in those small freezers like before. While I was feeling puzzled, a worker at the morgue said, “There are too many. Seize your time, and take a last look at your deceased loved one. Don’t stay for too long. “

時間緊急，顧不得許多，下到太平間，我不知道應該用什麼詞匯來形容，屍橫遍野，不，滿地更貼切一些，地方密密麻麻躺滿了，我原以為像以前一樣，逝去的人是在那些小冰櫃裡，不解間，太平間的師傅說了一句，太多了，家屬抓緊時間看一眼吧，別耽誤太長時間。

Then I found out that my uncle’s body was already put into a hearse, instead of being placed on the ground. I thought this must be the VIP treatment we paid 38,000 for. We hastily tidied things up a little and closed the coffin cover. Everybody worked together to get the coffin into the hearse. During this time, the driver had been directing some temporary workers who had little experience on what to do.

原來三叔三萬八已經放到車上而不是躺在地上去，我想這應該就是VIP待遇了。草草收拾了一下，棺材蓋蓋，眾人齊力把棺材送進了靈車，這期間司機一直在旁指揮著這些沒什麼經驗的臨時工。

After completing this process, the driver said, hurry up and set off, today we need to go to Miyun County to do the cremation. Don’t blame me if we are late and can’t get into line. I could not help but feel the anger in my heart. This guy talked so nastily. But then I remembered what my sister told me about the situation, and didn’t dare to talk back. I was really afraid that he would throw my uncle’s body out and drive off.

完成這道工序後，司機說了一句，趕緊出發，今天要去密雲燒，去晚了排不上燒不成別怨我，我不由得心頭火起，這位說話真真不招人愛聽，但想到之前妹妹說的情況，不敢和人家頂撞，真怕把人給我扔這不管了。

We each drove our own cars all the way [to the crematory] in the early morning. We left at 5:00 am and arrived at the Miyun Funeral Home after 6:00 am. I could see that there were a lot of people from out of town. We went over and asked around, and were told to line up. We rushed to stand at the end of the line.

大家各開各車一路曉行，五點出發，六點多到了密雲殯儀館院內，遠遠看見人頭攢動，過去一打聽，排隊，趕緊站在隊尾。

Shortly afterward, the bad news came. They said we can only cremate forty bodies today. The latter can only be lined up for tomorrow. I looked at the not-too-straight queue, and rushed to count the number of people. According to incomplete statistics, we were about 42 or 43. My sister rushed to contact the driver. The driver said, it was fine yesterday, but the rules were changed today. If you can’t get it done there, we can go over to Huailai County to do it. Then he said, let’s wait a moment, till their boss comes so we can ask. I can’t describe how I felt at that moment. I was nervous, anxious, bewildered, helpless, and everything.

不一時，壞消息傳來，今天只能燒四十個，後面的只能排到明天了，望著不成隊形的隊列，趕緊過去數了數人數，據不完全統計，我們排在四十三四位，這時妹妹趕緊和司機聯系，回復說，昨天還沒事，今天改規矩了，實在燒不了的話可以拉倒懷來去燒。又說讓等一會，他們領導來了問一下，此時此刻，心情無法形容，緊張、焦慮、茫然無措。

At this time, I saw people trying to have some other people cut into the queue, and many people started protesting.

這時候看見有人在隊列四周往裡安排人，周邊不滿之聲四起。

A guy wearing a mink coat said, they are one family, this person has been standing in line all night. He cannot stand anymore, so we are getting someone to replace him, this won’t affect your position in line. Shortly after, with the same technique, he replaced 3 or 4 people in the line. He also had a form in his hand, and he kept making phone calls to ask where are you now? Have you arrived?

一個穿貂的哥們兒說，這都是一家子，昨天排了一夜，站不住了，換個人排，沒影響你們的排位，半刻間，用同樣手法擠進去換出來三四家了，一邊還拿著表格，不停打電話問到哪了？過來了嗎？

I said to my sister, this super smart guy who is like a ticket scalper should have a way to help us skip ahead in line. I went over to say hello to him, but he ignored me. He was busy making phone calls. I had thought, I would pay him money, more and more money. But I didn’t even have a chance to talk to him.

我和妹妹說，這個類似票販子的人類精英應該有辦法把我們往前排，過去打招呼，置之不理，自顧自打電話催人，原本想著加錢，加錢，加錢，此刻也說不上話。

After a while, the hearse driver walked up slowly. We immediately surrounded him. He said, don’t worry, I’m looking for my boss.

又過了一會，司機緩緩而來，馬上圍過去，他說沒事，我在找我們領導。

When he stood beside the guy wearing a mink coat, I somehow felt a sense of security from the bottom of my heart, as if I had finally found my own organization that I can belong to.

當他和貂兒站在一處那一刻，我不知怎麼竟會由衷升起一種找到了組織的安全感。

He checked our names, and counted the number from the begging of the line to the end. He got us to move up for a bit, and repeatedly urged us to guard our position, don’t let others cut in line.

對名字，又從前排往後數了一遍，把我們插到了稍稍提前的位置，反復叮囑，站好了，別讓人插進來。

Cut in the line? No way! At that moment, I felt I was willing to defend my position with my life. I felt both solemn and magnificent.

插進來？放心，我當時都有誓死捍衛305高地的悲壯感……

Shortly after that, a lady who originally stood behind us walked forward, and accused us: How can you move forward? Mr. Mink Coat explained, as usual, no, we were just replacing someone in line.

站定不一刻，原先站在我們後面的一個女士大步上前，指責我們怎麼能往前挪，貂總解釋如常，換人而已。

The lady didn’t accept this, and loudly scolded us. My sister wanted to explain, but I quickly stopped her: Don’t say anything. Just stand in line, don’t try to explain. The more you say, the harder it will be to explain.

女士不干，大聲呵斥，沒人應答，我妹妹想解釋，我趕緊拉著她，別說話，就這排著，不分辨，越描越黑

At that moment, I was suddenly overwhelmed with sadness. When I was a teenager, I read Lu Xun ‘s literature. I was so young, so proud, and so spirited. I looked down upon and blamed everyone. Lu Yun said, “The Chinese do not dare to look squarely at all aspects, and will always use concealment and deception to create a wonderful escape route. They think they are on the right path. In fact, on this road, it precisely proves that our national nature is cowardly, lazy, and cleverly slippery. They are easily satisfied and extremely easy to degenerate.”

一瞬間，悲從中來，少年時看過魯迅，那時正趕上憤青年代，意氣風發橫眉豎指，當時那句：「中國人不敢正視各方面，總是會用瞞和騙，造出奇妙的逃路來，而自以為正路。其實在這條路上，恰恰證明了國民性的懦弱、懶惰而又巧滑，容易滿足，又極易墮落。」

At that time, I felt that I was beyond this commonplace and despised extremely the foolishness of all beings. But at this time, I felt so complacent after gaining some vested interests. I counted the heads from the beginning to the end of the line, and ensured that we were before number 40. Around me were all my family members and friends. They acted as guardians to ensure that no one could cut in line.

當時自覺的自己超脫於此般俗塵，極其看不起眾生愚昧，而此時，卻有一股既得利益者的沾沾自喜，從隊頭數到隊尾前後三四遍，確保我們在四十之列。左右家裡親戚朋友作為護法，以確保無人插隊。

We waited from 6:00 am until 8:00 am. A staff member shouted with a loudspeaker, saying, “All lined up, all lined up! Today’s quota is 40. We are a small size site, we have only three furnaces, they have been overloaded these days. Forty is already the maximum number. Do not cut in line. Register with the staff a little later.”

從六點等到八點左右，一工作人員大喇叭喊話，都排好都排好，今天只有四十個名額，這裡規模小，只有三個爐，這幾天已經超負荷運轉了，四十個已經是最大限度了，不要插隊，一會工作人員會去登記。

At this point, I saw Mr. Mink Coat and several others who looked like the head of some teams get together to verify their name lists. How many people do you have? Have they come or not?

此時我看到貂總和幾個形色各異的頭臉人物湊在一起對名單，你幾個？我幾個，都來沒來。

I went close to them to listen. There were 11 people on Mr. Mink Coat’s list. Yesterday they hired some idle men from a nearby village, and paid them 500 yuan per day for them to stand the line for the whole night. On the following day, any VIP who had paid for his one-stop-shop service could get a spot in line at this most critical place that everyone was fighting for. The method was just The Great Replacement Way. Just replace the person in the line. Although this method invites scolding, outsiders have no way to deal with it. They indeed didn’t cut in line. I vaguely remembered the one-stop-shop fee did include the cost of 3000 for a spot in the crematorium queue.

我湊近一聽，貂總今天的名單上有十一人，他們昨天五百一天的費用雇好了臨近村中閒漢，在這裡排一晚上，第二天只要是走他一條龍的VIP們就能在這兵家必爭之地爭得一席之位，方法為乾坤大挪移換人法，此法雖然招罵，不明就裡之人也沒脾氣，確實不是加塞兒，我依稀記得，一條龍裡包括佔地兒費用三千。

After 8:00 am, finally, a staff member came out to maintain a little order. He just used a loudspeaker to shout, “Stand in one line. Only one person [per family] in line. We will start the registration soon.”

八點多鐘，終於有工作人員出來維持一下秩序，而僅僅是大喇叭喊到，排成一排，只能有一個人排隊，一會開始登記。

Then each family selected a representative, and the rest of the family surrounded the representative to guard their spot. During that period, the heads of the groups fought with one another a little as they couldn’t distribute the spots well. In front of these vested interests, this was so very “natural”, as everybody wanted to ensure that they can pocket their money safely.

每家選出代表，其余人左右守護，期間，又有分配不均之組織頭目在一塊小掐了一下。利益面前，當然要保證自己的票子穩妥進兜，

As no one wanted to go to Huailai after already spending 38,000, I re-counted again. We were no. 36. I felt a little peace of mind.

因為沒人願意花了三萬八還要去懷來。我又重頭數了一遍，三十六號，心中稍安。

After about an hour, it was finally our turn. We were №38. I didn’t know how two more people got in front of us.

四刻後，終於統計到我們，代號三十八號（中間如何被鑽進去倆家沒有看到）。

The families that were more than 2 numbers behind us became very agitated. They said they had been in line since 4:00 am, how come they were behind others?

我們後面倆家之後群情激奮，說自己四點就來了，如何反而排名靠後？

Someone said I just counted a while ago, I was still №38. Somebody has jumped the line, I can’t accept that!

有人說我剛剛數過我是三十八號，有人加塞不干不干！

When I heard this, I used my arms to protect my sister, saying, “I don’t care what your number is. We’ve already registered. If you are upset, go talk to those in the front.”

我一聽用手護住妹妹，您愛幾號幾號，我們登記了，您有情緒找前面發去。

At that moment, all my knowledge and wisdom gained through years of learning suddenly became nothing. I fought like a village woman, feeling I was willing to die to defend my vested interest.

此一刻，多年所沉淀學識化為烏有，皆村婦吵架，為既得利益悍不畏死之感。

The people behind us could not prove who had jumped the queue and resentfully found the family who was №40, who were very frightened. They hurriedly said, “We didn’t jump the queue, we didn’t jump the queue, we have been in the queue since yesterday.”

後面之人無法證明誰誰誰插隊，悻悻然找到四十號家屬，嚇得四十號趕緊說：「我沒插隊我沒插隊，我昨天就來排隊了」。

They sounded slightly funny. The guy said, “I’m just asking, you’re at the end of the line this time, right? I’ll wait behind you. Nobody can cut in line. I’ll just stand here all night to see if tomorrow I’ll be №1.”

略顯滑稽。那哥們兒稱，沒事我就問問，這回您是隊尾了吧？我就黏您後邊，誰插隊都不行，我豁出去排一宿，看看明天是不是第一個。

Later on, I learned that this guy had been here for 3 days. No wonder he was so upset. But, I couldn’t give my spot to him in a situation like this. I felt very sympathetic to him, but I could only lower my head and say nothing.

後來細問，已經三天了，確實著急，想想這事也不能讓，滿眼同情低頭不語。

After that, it was a long wait until it was time to register. At about 10:30 am, a staff member asked about our numbers, and everybody eagerly reported their numbers. The staff member said, go eat something. There is no way we can finish registration this morning.

接下來是漫長的等待登記時間，十點半左右工作人員問我們，都多少號，紛紛報號，遂和我們說吃飯去吧，今天上午肯定辦不完了。

We asked, “When can it be done?” The answer was, it depends on luck, if the furnace is not broken, and doesn’t need to be repaired, you guys at the back of the line may get it done at 6:00 pm o 7:00 pm.

問：幾何能辦完？答：看運氣吧，如果爐不壞，不用維修，你們靠後的這些六七點能完事。

Seeing that she looked very tired, and listening to her complaining about being overloaded with work, we didn’t have the heart to question their efficiency.

看著工作人員疲憊神態，聽著她嘴裡抱怨著早就超負荷了，我們不忍心再去糾結她效率的問題。

We then went to eat, taking turns, so that we still kept our spot in the line. At about 4 p.m., my sister was finally able to enter that sacred office hall. Then it was checking, registering, filling out the forms, and waiting. After half an hour, she finally finished all the procedures. I was asked to go get the body.

換班吃飯，繼續排隊，下午四時許，終於妹妹進入到了那間神聖的辦事大廳，查驗、登記、填表、等待。過了半個小時，終於辦完手續，讓我去接人

I immediately moved my already frozen legs to run over, the driver was very impatient, saying, “Why are you so slow? I’ve been waiting for you for ages!”

我馬上挪動凍僵的雙腿跑過去，司機已不耐煩，說我，這麼慢？等你們半天了。

I said, don’t talk nonsense. What is the use for me to come if we haven’t got the registration done? I thought to myself, if this guy says one more ugly sentence, I will throw him into the furnace too.

我說廢什麼話，不辦完手續我過來有蛋用？當時想，這小子再多一句廢話我把他也擱爐子裡。

He looked a little surprised. Maybe he saw that I was in as ugly of a mood as him, he gave me a smile and didn’t say anything. He helped to lift the body off the hearse, saying he will leave now if nothing else. So he finally finished his job for the day. When he turned to leave, I nonetheless murmured, thank you. It’s been hard.

那人微一愣，看我面相到有幾分志同道合之喪勁兒，一笑沒說話，幫忙把人抬下車，撂一句沒事我走了，算是完成了他今日工作，在他轉身之際，我還是輕輕說了句謝謝，辛苦了。

Since the circumstances were abnormal, all of the families could only use a small hall to have a last look at our loved ones. At the urging of the staff, we hastily said goodbye to our uncle, which lasted two minutes, because there were still people lined up behind us.

由於特殊時期，眾人只能在小廳瞻仰儀容，在工作人員的催促下草草與三叔告別，歷時二分鐘，因為後面還有人排隊。

At this stage, all kinds of childhood memories became to my mind. Once my uncle took me swimming. I collided with another kid. And my uncle went to take revenge for me.

小時種種此刻映入腦海，帶我去游泳，我和一個小孩子撞到了，他去替我報仇。

Seeing that the kid was diving at the bottom of the pool, he stepped on him, and waited until bubbles came out of the kid’s mouth before he lifted his foot. The child stood up, and saw an adult in front of him. My uncle then apologized to him, saying, oh baby, I am sorry, I didn’t see you, go over there to play.

看見那孩兒在池底潛行，他一腳踩上去，等到冒泡了才收腳，那孩子起來一看是個大人，還一個勁給他賠不是，寶貝兒，對不起，沒看見你，去那邊玩去吧。

The kid who drank a mouthful of water with bleach in it was at a loss. He cried and looked for his father.

喝了一嘴漂白粉的小子一時無措，哭著找他爹去了。

After swimming, we went back home, but we didn’t have money to buy bus tickets. My uncle actually used my childhood cute little face to please the young female conductor. So we successfully had a free ride.

游完泳回家時沒錢買公共汽車票，他居然用我小時候乖巧可愛的小臉去討好年輕女售票員，結果成功蹭了個車。

Once he took me to the seaside, we didn’t get to swim, but ended up poking a hornet’s nest.

帶我去海邊，沒游著泳倒是一起捅了個馬蜂窩。

All sorts of memories came to mind. My uncle wasn’t a very reliable person since his youth. He loved to brag, feared troubles, talked a lot, and did very little. However, whenever I thought about him, it was all happy and playful times, as well as my childhood memories. [I said to him, ] I am sorry, we can only say farewell to you in such a manner. But don’t feel vexed. After all, you are №38. You are so very lucky compared to some other people.

種種事情湧上心頭，從年輕時就挺不靠譜的一個人，愛吹牛，怕惹事，語言永遠多於行動，但是不知為什麼想起他，都是開心的玩耍，都是小時候難忘回憶。很抱歉，在特殊時刻只能用這種方式送走你，但是也別懊惱，畢竟你是三十八號，相對於一些人已經很幸運了。

After 7:00 pm, the cremation was completed. I then remembered that Mr. Mink Coat had a list of 11 people today. I did a rough calculation. If everybody paid him 30,000 yuan, he earned 330,000 today. And if he works like this for a month…and it is all in cash too, and everybody was so eager to pay.

火化完成時間到了晚上七點多，我想起那個貂總今天手裡十一人大名單，粗略算了一下，按平均三萬計，當日進賬三十三萬，這要是連續作戰一個月……而且都是現金交易，大有願打願挨之勢

I think the satisfaction of counting the bills will surely clear away the gloomy and depressing atmosphere around this crematorium.

我想，當滿手的鈔票數起來時的那種滿足感，肯定會化解這火葬場裡的陰郁之氣。

By this point, I would like to use this way to remember my dear uncle. I used to call him Uncle Hauzibai when I was a kid. May he’ll be well in heaven.

到這裡，我想以此方式來緬懷我親愛的三叔，小時候經常叫他華子伯（bai），願他在天堂安好。

Also, tell your friends around you that health is really important, don’t treat it casually because now you may not be able to afford to die.

另外，也要告訴身邊的朋友，健康真的很重要，不要隨意對待，因為現在你可能死不起。

In addition, yesterday I heard a notice that since December 21, 2022, this funeral home will no longer accept bodies coming from Beijing. After hearing this news, I couldn’t help but worry about those who have nowhere to go.

另外，昨天聽到通知，自2022年12月21日起，本殯儀館不再接收北京自拉火化人員。此消息一出，我不由得擔心那些無處可去的人。

Of course, I’m not worried about Mr. Mink Coat’s small team, they can always seize an opportunity to make piles of money. And because of this work attitude of being able to stretch and bend, they will surely be able to set up a new business empire in Huailai.

當然，我不擔心貂總的小團隊，他們總能見縫插針坐地起價，就沖這能伸能屈的工作態度，在懷來也會闖出一片天地。

Finally, farewell, comrade Li Jianhua, I will always remember you.

最後，永別了李建華同志，我會永遠記得你。

Li Ji, Dec 19, 2022, at Miyun.

李驥於2022年12月19日密雲記

12/23/2022*

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